Scott Morrison has just made the boogeyman redundant #auspol

Several children are missing in South Australia after two others were removed from school and placed in immigration detention centres.

Quotes from Refugee Action Coalition spokesman Ian Rintoul:

“They’re at the whim of the department.”

“The fact they were snatched out of school is an indication of how (the Department) operates with no concern for the kids involved.

“It’s a general phenomenon at the moment. The department is cancelling visas, bringing people in, sending people back. There is general fear in the community.”

Parents: you may now start terrorising your children into eating their steamed vegetables with the prospect of indefinite detention in a shipping container on a small, hot island where the locals want to kill you and the prison guards can’t stop them.

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It Came From The 80s – The Flamer’s Bible!

Anyone who’s been anywhere near the atheoskeptoblogosphere in the last two years might well have noticed an undercurrent (or over-current) of hate-speech, flaming, obsessive trolling, twit-stalking and general petulant shit-slinging – especially if the target is a feminist blogger. But it’s nothing new – online communication has been around for ages; as such, the anonymity inherent in it has always provided cover for keyboard warriors to dispatch rhetorical missiles and toxic word-sludge across the globe, the nation or just the building – all with no social consequences.

Without further ado, from some time in 1987, I present a selection of tips for being an Internet Tough Guy:

The twelve commandments of flaming

  •     Make things up about your opponent: It’s important to make your lies sound true. Preface your argument with the word “clearly.” “Clearly, Fred Flooney is a liar, and a dirtball to boot.”

 

This might be familiar. How about: “She’s a misandrist! She’s a Feminazi! She hates men! It was only an invitation to coffee at 4am! She’s frigid!”

  •     Cross-post your flames: Everyone on the net is just waiting for the next literary masterpiece to leave your terminal. From rec.arts.wobegon to alt.gourmand, they’re all holding their breaths until your next flame. Therefore, post everywhere.

 

This one’s never been so important to the career troll: you can’t expect every one of your hate-chorus to just be reading your blog, so to increase your back-pats & pingbacks & likes you need to facebook, tweet, instafreakingram, blog, re-blog and link to everything in whatever dark, mouldy corner of the ‘net where there are no standards of behaviour when it comes to Approved Enemies.

  •     Conspiracies abound: If everyone’s against you, the reason can’t possibly be that you’re a fuckhead. There’s obviously a conspiracy against you, and you will be doing the entire net a favor by exposing it.

 

This is now known as the Galileo Gambit: They made fun of Galileo, and he was right.
They make fun of me, therefore I am right. However, the counter to this comes from Robert Park: It is not enough to wear the mantle of Galileo: that you be persecuted by an unkind establishment. You must also be right.

  •     Use foreign phrases: French is good, but Latin is the lingua franca of flaming. You should use the words “ad hominem” at least three times per article. Other favorite Latin phrases are “ad nauseum,” “vini, vidi, vici,” and “fetuccini alfredo.”

 

Accusations of ad hominem abound on the internet – usually as soon as someone gets insulted for acting like a douche. However, a true ad hominem is dimissive of an argument based on who’s making the argument, i.e. “You’re a douche therefore your argument is wrong.” Much of the time you hear an a.h. invoked, it is done so in response to a simple insult, e.g. “You’re a douche and your argument is wrong.” To avoid confusion, please be sure to dismiss someone’s argument on its own lack of merit and then call them a douche.

  •     Accuse your opponent of censorship. It is your right as an American citizen to post whatever the hell you want to the net (as guaranteed by the 37th Amendment, I think). Anyone who tries to limit your cross-posting or move a flame war to email is either a communist, a fascist, or both.

 

FREEZE PEACH! “Because the country I live in has granted me the right to say anything I want (of course there aren’t caveats – I can walk onto the White House lawn and threaten to stab Barry O because FREEZE PEACH is absolute!), it therefore follows that I get to follow you around the internet and regurgi-hate on every single one of your online properties. The fact that you own your twitter account, facebook, youtube account or blog doesn’t give you the right to decided who gets to talk to you! StasiNazi #bullies baawww!”

Um, yeah it does. A website/media account, as far as you’re concerned, is someone’s property as much as their doorstep or the counter of their store – if you don’t like when they shut the door in your face, try modifying (or at least paying attention to) what comes out of your face.

Go and read the rest – you’ve probably seen all of them in the last week.

It’s not just religionists that get upset by billboards

It’s monarchists too, as this ABC News report demonstrates:

A pro-monarchy group says a billboard advertisement is bordering on political advertising in support of a republic.

The Australian Monarchists League says two billboards in Sydney have urged consumers to “Forget the monarchy, support the publicans”.

League national chairman Philip Benwell says the wording of the ad by South Australian beer company Coopers is an attack on the constitutional monarchy.

“This particular advertisement is designed to get people to support publicans, but it’s also saying ‘Forget the monarchy’, and that’s what we object to,” he said. “Why couldn’t they say ‘Forget the Republicans, support the publicans?’ Why do they have to attack the monarchy?”

A spokesman for Coopers says the advertisement ran on billboards for just a short time and is not a major issue.

Translation:
Monarchist: BAAAW
Coopers: LOL
An attack, my dear monarchist, is an action designed to inflict some kind of damage or injury. Coopers Brewery (makers of the finest damn ales in the country, perhaps even the universe, the last family-owned brewery in the country and perhaps the one thing that could make me patriotic about my home state of South Australia) was making a blindingly obvious pun on the monarchist/republican debate that’s been going on in this country at varying strengths for decades.
It frequently (very, very frequently) seems to me that conservative groups worldwide, be they religious, political or a combination of both, have minions everywhere, scouring the countryside like Ring Wraiths, searching for anything that could be construed as some kind of attack. They then scream “BAW, persecution!” in an effort to both publicise their cause and lend legitimacy to it, as if the very fact that people are having a go at you means you’re right (see: Galileo Fallacy). The monarchists in this story have failed epically at both, their spokesman just coming across as yet another overly-sensitive reactionary conservative, the kind any self-respecting republican, or any reasonable Australian, regardless of political persuasion, would and should rightly laugh out of the pub. I can hear several million Australians right now – if they have actually heard about this little foot-stomping tantrum, that is – chuckling to themselves and saying “Joyzuz Krawst, get ova yaself ya wankah, it’s a fucken beer ad!” In Victorian times it might sounded more like “Gawd, strike me pink. It’s only an advertisement, you flaminwowser. Pull your head in!”
This latest conservative dummy-spit (again, if it’s been noticed at all) has probably had an effect that’s the complete opposite of what the monarchists intended. Far from publicising the monarchist position, all it’s really done is given Australians two new things to laugh at: a new Coopers ad (in the laconic, typically Australian style we’ve all become accustomed to) and a new wowser.