…and what a beauty it’s been! We had Hillarious Clinton sinking to brave, new, stupendous lows against her own party-mate Barry Obama – doing herself out of the VP slot and basically handing him the nomination. That was quite a … well, whole year of fun wasn’t it? Dirty tricks and bullshit is par for the course in an election campaign, but against your own team-mate? In one of the most vitally important election years the US has ever seen? Hilly, hopefully you’ve realised all your shenanigans, lying about snipers and flat-out bitchy attacks (and Barry’s comparatively rather classy & dignified responses) just made you look like an enormous bitch. But I guess we’ll see if you’ve learned one damned thing come 2012.
Before that, we (the world) had a brief scare when a couple of god-bothering fundie nutfucks, Mitt Romney and Mike Huckabee, came perilously close to grabbing the Republican nomination. Seriously, a choice between a cranky, out-of-touch flip-flopping war vet, a Mormon and a creationist halfwit? Is that the best the Repubs could muster? Fark me. Guess they’re plum outa Bushes. Dang! Thankfully, though, the best man (i.e. the man who’ll with any luck hand the country to Obama) got the nod.
Then, for a long time, nothing happened. Until John “Maverick”McCain (or whoever it is that strains his soup) had a brainwave and headed to Alaska, where he found a marginally attractive former (and self proclaimed) “hockey mom” to run for Vice President with him. After all his bleating about Baz Obama’s lack of foreign policy experience, he picks governor Sarah Palin, a former mayor (or something) of a small town with less people than your average football stadium who only got her passport within the living memory of your average goldfish. A woman who, by all accounts of her time as a mayor and governor, would rather have under her a pack of loyal and eternally grateful toadies instead of qualified people who can do their damn jobs (which sounds eerily familiar). A woman whose foreign policy experience is probably less than my own – I have visited exactly one country beside Australia in my life – New Zealand, which is literally beside Australia. Obama’s perceived lack of FPE has been the cornerstone of McCain’s campaign thus far & McCain’s own foreign policy experience seems to consist of (a) being shot down in Vietnam thirty years ago and then held captive and (b) standing in some desert somewhere and getting confused between Shia & Sunni. How do you explain that, John? If you die (admit it – you might, you old bastard), the woman in charge of the world’s most powerful military will be a woman who’s barely even seen her own country.
Dear, dear Mrs Palin. Well, there are a lot of things to like about this woman (for a fundie right-wing voter anyway): she’s pro-abstinence and seemingly anti-sex-ed (which seems to have worked really well for her preggo unwed teenage daughter); a creationist (who else says things like “teach the controversy, teach ID”?); a gun-lover; anti-abortion (on that note, she’s said that even if her daughter was 14 and a rape victim she’d still force her to have the child) and she kinda looks like Tina Fey’s taller, not-as-cute sister. She ticks a lot of boxes for fundie bingo (probably all of them: I don’t know for sure but I bet she hates gays too)! Also: she’s a woman! That’ll get the woman vote! I guess Campaign McCain remembered how well Hillarious was doing (until she b0rked herself) and thought “A-ha! They might have a black guy, but I gots me a white woman and they’re scared of black guys so they’ll all vote for my white woman! Ha!”
But is hasn’t all been smooth running. Because Palin’s a complete big-boy politics n00b, she can’t hold herself up in public and managed to confuse a couple of private companies with publicy-funded ones, bitched them out for being “too big and too expensive” and made herself look utterly retarded. She’s been bitching about all the coverage her daughter’s pregnancy has been receiving as well. But hey, you can’t blame the press – here’s an anti-birth control, abstinence-only mother who has a rapidly-swelling teenaged case of EPIC FAIL OF ABSTINENCE living in her house. If she can’t (or won’t, as seems to be the case) teach her own daughter about how to not get pregnant then you have to call into question her common sense. If Palin has that standard fundie equation in her head – “how to not get pregnant = license to WHORE” – one has to wonder what other dogmatic retardedness is going on there. Basically, if a policy she supports has failed dismally in her own freaking home, one has to wonder about her plans for the nation should the unfortunate (but not entirely improbable) happen to McCain.
So, she’s having herself a case of BAW at the media, who keep asking her mean ol‘ questions about what the hell she’s doing on the Repub ticket and how the hell is she more qualified to run the country than someone like Ron Paul (who’d never get the nod from the Repubs because he’s a big fan of the Constitution, that quaint document the Reps have been wiping their arses with for 8 years). They ask personal questions about her family too and I think she’s just had enough! Palin (or her handlers) have imposed a fortnight’s media ban – until they promise to show deference and respect to her. Are you fucking KIDDING ME? They’re keeping her away from the media because she doesn’t like the attention, they’s asking her all nasty questions and stuff. BAW! You’re running for Vice President of the USA, you cloth-headed twunt! You’re going to cop some attention. And, just between you and me, be thankful you’re a white Republican. Can you imagine the media environment, a few years back, if an unwed Chelsea Clinton was in school and pregnant? Well, the US media is a lot more right-biased now than it was in 1992-2000. Imagine the salivating talking heads on FOX News today (and here at home, people like right-wing knee-jerk schill Andrew “Batman is AMERICA, Joker is OSAMA therefore it’s OKAY TO SPY ON EVERYONE ALL THE TIME” Fucking Bolt) if it was discovered if one of Baz & Michelle Obama’s kids was up the duff? Trust me, it wouldn’t be some cutesy fucking Juno moment with a lot of understanding and several hours of highly improbable (and somewhat annoying) dialogue. Can you imagine the feeding frenzy in the alleged “liberal” media if it turned out that Barry was about to become a grandbabydaddy to a black bastard? It’d be like seventy Christmases for the Republicans. Now, I’m not saying the current frenzy is mild. It’s not. US political reporting lives on and for this shit – they long ago gave up actually reporting on candidates’ stands on issues. These days it’s about who’s more electable & (less publicly) who has to pander the most to the fucking gun nuts and churchies and corporate arseholes to get the win.
You may have guessed that I want Obama to win. Not than an Australian should really give a shit, but the US is our most powerful ally and a lot of what happens there directly affects what happens here. US starts a war? Call the Aussies (they know our SAS are fucking badasses). Greenback starts to suck balls? So does our trusty buck. They start another TV reality show? We can expect it here in about six months and our own version in twelve to eighteen. But why Obama? Because he’s intelligent and he’s run a classy campaign. He thinks science is a good thing. He can string a sentence together and actually make statements, instead of a bunch of gung-ho kick-ass war-talk, cutesy down-home bullshit or just plain old condescension, punctuated with a shit-eating smirk. He’s basically the polar opposite of Dubya. He’s a properly educated man (Harvard law I believe). Bush does have an MBA from Yale – a college he had to get his dad to shoehorn him into, where he was a freaking cheerleader. At the stage of his life when Barack was a community organiser helping people in poor areas of Chicago, Bush was out drinking himself retarded and ruining every company he was appointed director of, or being spirited away from service in Vietnam, again by daddy. Dubya’s basically had everything (including the lives and incomes of 300 million people) just handed to him. He’s a spoiled little halfwit who may be charming to some (I just find every sound and facial expression he makes supremely irritating) but has been the figurehead of the most reprehensibly destructive and dangerous force in the world since late 2001. Barack seems to me to be a longtime public servant who might actually give a shit about what people need, being that he’s actually spent his life with people, and not his dad’s cronies. Hell, I could be flat wrong, but comparing the two
Obama? Something new – not another Republican, for starters. A guy who speaks intelligently and says a lot of the right things. It remains to be seen if he’ll accomplish them. If nothing else, the lesser of two evils (an election choice which we in Australia are all too familiar with). If he gets in, I hope he has the balls to whip his gutless fucking party into shape. The Dems have been a pack of scrotum-deficient spineless fucks for way too long. Time to hit the Repubs with four years of “fuck you.”
McCain? Basically, four more years of Team Bush, only more stupid – well, perhaps not more stupid, but just as stupid with different kinds of stupid. Palin? So retarded & incompetent people would be fondly reminiscing about Cheney. That’s what it boils down to.
And, I think, this is what Campaign McCain has boiled down to (from here):
Unfortunately, given the 2000 and 2004 results (and the machinations that made those results possible), I know for a fact that there are (almost) enough people in the US to elect McCain and his fembot. Come on America – I loved you as a kid, even with Reagan in charge. Now wake the fuck up and stop voting against your own interests!