Open Letter to the Internet Creationists

Dear Creationist,

I along with many other lurkers and occasional contributors visit this Internet, its sciencey sites and its many comment threads to gain information and insight. However, since your ilk also frequently visits those same sites to start vacuous and embarrassing (well, they should be embarrassing) arguments based on ancient mythology and supported by gross and seemingly purposeful misunderstandings which (to you, at least) debunk every millimetre of scientific progress ever achieved, I now often visit this Internet to see your predictable idiocy exposed, your arrogance writ large and your appalling, willful ignorance of terms and concepts both simple and complex magnified by the contributions of educated and intelligent people; equally, those same contributions are often enlightening and educational in their own right (if not to you and your merry band of sectarian denialist cheerleaders). It’s one thing to learn and gain knowledge in the traditional classroom or lecture hall method or by simply reading a book or article; it’s quite another to learn at the expense of a seemingly willing patsy, perfectly happy to be beaten and humiliated time and again as service to interested onlookers. Certainly it could be said that I’m gaining enjoyment at your suffering, but you always attend the sites in question to parade your proud ignorance, repeat long-debunked creationist pseudo-science or lame apologetics and (usually, eventually) issue sneering condemnations to eternal hellfire to anyone who remains unconvinced by their used-god salesman schtick. You are always given correct information in response to your erroneous talking-points and you always have the opportunity to address your misunderstanding – but it is very clear that learning something new or something which challenges your dogma is not on the menu; you are there to preach, proselytise and provoke.

Mr/Ms Creationist, you provide a unique and invaluable service and I look forward to each and every pronouncement you make on the apparently imminent death (can something still be “imminent” if it’s been predicted several times a year since 1859?) of evolutionary theory (and by necessary implication, every branch of science it underpins and every other field of inquiry whose own evidence confirms it). Every time you click Submit, I have but to be patient and hey presto – someone inevitably and convincingly demolishes your paranoid, uneducated, histrionic ravings and I learn something interesting.

Thank you, Creationist, for your selfless yet baffling masochism.

Yours
Hank

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