Simple experiment: find a few OT Bible chapters online & paste them into a text editor. Replace every instance of the name “Moses” with the name “Gul Dukat” and “Israelite” with “Cardassian”. Still awesome? You bet:

Numbers 31:7-18

They fought against Midian, as the LORD commanded Gul Dukat, and killed every man. Among their victims were Evi, Rekem, Zur, Hur and Reba – the five kings of Midian. They also killed Balaam son of Beor with the sword. The Cardassians captured the Midianite women and children and took all the Midianite herds, flocks and goods as plunder. They burned all the towns where the Midianites had settled, as well as all their camps. They took all the plunder and spoils, including the people and animals, and brought the captives, spoils and plunder to Gul Dukat and Eleazar the priest and the Cardassian assembly at their camp on the plains of Moab, by the Jordan across from Jericho.

Dukat, Eleazar the priest and all the leaders of the community went to meet them outside the camp. Gul Dukat was angry with the officers of the army – the commanders of thousands and commanders of hundreds – who returned from the battle.

“Have you allowed all the women to live?” Dukat asked them. “They were the ones who followed Balaam’s advice and were the means of turning the Cardassians away from the LORD in what happened at Peor, so that a plague struck the LORD’s people. Now kill all the boys. And kill every woman who has slept with a man, but save for yourselves every girl who has never slept with a man.”

Perhaps even more awesome. And certainly more appropriate that a Cardassian is being such a brutal, merciless, child-raping son of a bitch, rather than Yahweh’s chief prophet and holiest man on Earth. Also, it’s strange how easily names from science fiction slot right into Bible stories.

As an aside, I’ve always thought there were curious parallels between the names in sci-fi, fantasy and the Bible (and other mythologies). I’m going to go out on a limb and presume that SF and fantasy authors have always used Biblical/mythological-sounding names (and naming conventions) to add to their stories a particular gravity. “Balaam, son of Beor”, for instance: if you’d never heard this name in its Biblical context and were asked to guess where it came from, you could be excused for guessing it was from a Middle Earth-ish sword & sorcery novel or a space opera in which an advanced race encounter a primitive & barbarous people on a distant planet.

Now, if you wanted your Star Trek search & replace 100% authentic (euphemism for “if you were a complete & utter nerd”) you could replace “Midianite” with “Bajoran”, then do a little research & replace all the other names with appropriate analogues from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. But you don’t have to, really (but if you do, send it to me!).

I think the point I’m making is transparently obvious and doesn’t need explanation. Suffice it to say that if today, you were to read your own sacred scripture for the first time, independent of input from any priests or anyone else with a vested interest in making you believe it, you’d probably think it was mythology inferior to that of the ancient Greeks, fantasy inferior to Tolkien or some sub-par science fiction (which Star Trek is not, by the way, so do not misunderstand me). You’d probably wonder if the protagonists – that Yahweh chap and all his favourites – were really meant to be the good guys, what with their smiting and massacring and raping and pillaging of anyone who displeased them or just happened to be in their way. You’d likely look at the basic factual errors about the universe (such as Genesis) and unverifiable, unsupported events (such as Exodus) and conclude that it was indeed a work of fiction. If, after noticing all that is factually and morally wrong within it, you found out that people were viewing it as absolute Truth, basing their entire lives and after-lives on it and even oppressing or killing people who didn’t believe in it or interpreted it differently, you’d be flabbergasted. If you were already religious, you’d call them blasphemers, heretics. Depending on how religious you were, you may well call for their deaths! If you weren’t religious, you’d stand there scratching your head at the sheer lunacy of it all.

And if you did that, you’d then know nonreligious people feel: watching people hate, oppress & kill each other over some poorly-written fantasy really does our fricking heads in.


3 thoughts on “Fantasy

  1. you little liars do nothing but antagonize…and you try to eliminate all the dreams and hopes of humanity…but you LOST…THE DEATH OF ATH*ISM – SCIENTIFIC PROOF OF GOD puts the final nail in the coffin of atheism…**************************************************************************atheists deny their own life element…LIGHT OR DEATH, ATHEISTS?***********************************************************LIGHT*********************************************

  2. Wow, I love new discoveries.Scientific proof of God? But, surely news that important should show up somewhere a little more credible than some thread on the fucking PRAVDA forums – behind a registration wall too, no less. This is the same PRAVDA that said only last year that the US is sliding towards Marxism (fail!). The same PRAVDA that was the mouthpiece of the fucking "atheist" Soviet Union for decades. Hardly a credible source, or an appropriate one for a goblin-worshipping blog-spammer like you to copy+paste from! PRAVDA, just like during the Soviet era, doesn't spend a day without spewing weapons-grade bullshit out of every orifice. You'll forgive me if I don't register with the forum to read this proof of your god. Why don't you just share it with me here?Oh, and atheism dead? Well, that's a new one. That should also be easier to prove than your god's existence, so again – share it. I'm sure a few blokes who have written a few popular books in the last decade would disagree, as would everyone who's read them and laughed at stupid fucking comments like yours.Also, which particular god has been proven to exist by this Pravda genius? The bloodthirsty bastard from the Old Testament? The undead zombie from the New Testament? Thor of the Vikings? Zoroaster of Persia? Poseidon of the wine-dark sea? The Flying Fucking Spaghetti Monster? How does the genius behind this proof know precisely which god he's discovered? My guess it just coincidentally happens to be the god his parents raised him to believe…y'know, just like every other credulous fuck out there.Anyway, if you're not just a standard hit n' run comment-spammer, step up with some evidence. Oh, and a few less of these – *********************** – if you don't mind. What are you, a fucking Care Bear?

  3. And you know what? You're right. I fucking love to antagonise people. Stupid people – especially people who choose to be stupid – (1) are really easy to antagonise (2) totally deserve it and and (3) run out steam pretty quickly, so if you hit them with a challenge they'll usually bail on arguing with you pretty quickly, which means you don't have to waste much time fucking with them. That shit can get old after a while.

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