US religious group sends digital Bibles to Haiti (Rated M: coarse language)

Yes, some Yank bible-thumpers are sending iGods to earthquake-ravaged Haiti.


These are solar-powered audible Bibles that can broadcast the holy scriptures in Haitian Creole to 300 people at a time.

Called the “Proclaimer,” the audio Bible delivers “digital quality” and is designed for “poor and illiterate people”, the Faith Comes By Hearing group said.

According to their website, the Proclaimer is “self-powered and can play the Bible in the jungle, desert or … even on the moon!”

Just what a bunch of starving, desperate, homeless, bereaved, scared people fucking need: to be fucking preached at by a fucking toy. Pardon my French.

As the employee of a well-known and well-respected international humanitarian organisation (which has people on the ground as we speak), I can’t help but wonder how much these bibles are worth, how much it’s costing to ship them and precisely how many first aid kits, emergency shelters or ration packs that amount of money could have provided. I’m also wondering how much time is going to be wasted unpacking and distributing these toys when people in Haiti have more important things to do. Getting aid into crisis areas like Port-au-Prince is difficult enough without people cluttering up the ports and distribution centres with unnecessary flotsam like digital bibles. The reason organisations like, for example, Red Cross, say “don’t send blankets, send money” is because money is useful straight away and doesn’t take up space on a C-130.

Pardon me, Americans, but only American Christians would think it appropriate to send a shipment of electronic bibles to people who don’t even have food or water and may not even know whether their families are still alive. The capital city in ruins, over seventy thousand dead, a million without homes and someone bright fucking spark in Halfwit, Alberquerque, thinks “Oh yeah! That’s what them folks need – some diggital Jeee-zuss!” Give me strength.

Say, how about we look after people’s immediate needs, say, immediately, and leave the preaching until they have a roof over their heads, a full belly and clothes on their back? Here’s a newsflash for you ten-gallon lackwits: there are already lots of Christians in Haiti, which means there are already lots of Christian ministers in Haiti (also: anyone who isn’t a Christian isn’t likely to change due to some cheap trinket) and I’m sure they’ll do what they do soon enough, maybe once they’re safe and have had something to eat. So why don’t you show some fucking respect, leave the religion to the locals and do something fucking useful, like go to the Red Cross website and drop them some cash?

People are starving, homeless, frightened, desperate, bodies are still being pulled from the rubble – and these clowns think bibles will make them feel better. Is it really any wonder that atheists get so damned angry?

With tens of thousands of Port-au-Prince residents living outdoors because their homes have collapsed or they fear aftershocks from last week’s quake, the audio Bible can bring them “hope and comfort that comes from knowing God has not forgotten them through this tragedy”, the group said.

Tell me, is this the same God that pushed the “Earthquake” button to punish them for their pact with the devil, which they entered into in order to escape from French slavery, as professional arsehole – I mean evangelist – Pat Robertson recently said? Or is it a different God – a kind, loving, benevolent one who works in mysterious ways (including earthquakes and tsunamis, from which he saves select people in order to appear merciful)? Or just the “God” that’s in all things beautiful, from the nice feeling you get when nana hugs you to the inspiration behind Mozart’s Requiem? Forgive me – you people seem to believe in so many different kinds of God it’s tough to keep track of which one is worshipped by which sect.

Look, never mind all that – if you’re going to do anything for Haiti, send money! It’s available instantly and aid organisations have loads of practice discerning where the needs are and where to spend the cash. Don’t send goddam Jesus Tamagotchis!!

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