C of E: sorry, Chas

For some reason, the Church of E has decided it should apologise to Charles Darwin for lambasting & ridiculing him and his theory of descent with modification, first published in 1859 under the title On The Origin Of Species (which I have abridged because it’s rather long) [Telegraph].

What the holy swaddled Christ for? Chas’ grandson has, unsurprisingly, called this pointless act of nothingitude “pointless”. Apologise to a man for the crime of being too wilfully, blindly retarded to recognise what a work of simple, elegant genius his theory of evolution was (and still is), sure, but … he’s frickin‘ dead. Much as I love the man and what he achieved (against many & varied odds, not the least being his own struggle with the faith he was raised in), apologising to him won’t change a thing. Even issuing some broad CoE statement indicating their acceptance of evolution won’t actually do anything (I’m not actually sure what, if anything, the CoE hopes to achieve by this anyway). It’s not the gentle CoE or any other mild form of Christianity that’s the problem when it comes to evo-deniers and creobots.

Apologise to Chas Darwin for being twats all you want, gentle vicars, but the world will still be chock full of creationist evophobics of all stripes, be they the ever-numerous and oft-times rather frighteningly retarded American Jesus freaks, Muslim sub-mammals like Harun Yahya (or whatever his name is today) or illiterate fuckwits of the type who pollute the comment threads on youtube with their incoherent ramblings/pasted scripture (what is it about fundamentalism that strips a person of their ability to spell and use the shift key – or in some cases overuse the CAPS LOCK?). Look, the Cat’licks apologised to Galileo (after 500 years) and there are still people who doubt heliocentrism. Shit, the Papacy still maintains their ludicrous and murderous contentions that condoms are (a) evil, (b) ineffective, (c) actually spread disease rather than prevent infection even though the rest of the reasonable world has used them daily since their invention to prevent overpopulation & disease and occasionally decorate peoples’ houses for parties in lieu of traditional balloons.

The thing is, Charles & evolution don’t need your damn apology or your way-too-late admission of guilt (which isn’t yours to admit to anyway – I’ll take “Empty Gestures” for one thousand, please). Since its publication in 1859, the theory of evolution has either kickstarted or been shown to underpin and/or cross-support fields of enquiry as diverse as (but not limited to) genetics, geology, palaeontology, pharmacology, immunology, modern medicine and it pretty much underwrites the entire current understanding of the enormous field of Biology itself. Evolution has done rather well in the absence of a forced, hollow mea culpa, wouldn’t you say?

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This ecclesiastical “my bad” might have some merit if the CoE spoke for all of Christianity. But, as we all know, it doesn’t do any such thing, the CoE being brought to life (and brutally sustained, enriched and empowered) because Henry VIII wanted a do-over marriage and the Pope wouldn’t have a bar of it (hey, I’m all for telling a Pope to go fuck himself, but Hank 8 and his meanies did go rather too far on more than one occasion. Torture and murder and theft are bad things, kids, no matter who inflicts which upon whom).

So, if you’re not CoE, or if you’re not part of the CoE which still believes in the bible, or if you’re just one of zillions of anti-think god-droids who have a metaphorical sticker reading “I AINT NO MONKEY’S UNCLE” stuck to your brain’s rear bumper (next to your little Jesus fish), rest assured you may still chant “EVIL-UTION = ATHEISM” or “Darwin = Hitler” at your next prayer meeting.

No, Charles doesn’t require a “sorry” from the Church of England. What Evolution needs, my friends, is an apology from New Creos like Ben “science leads you to killing people” Stein, Ken “Creation Museum” Ham (I’m so fucking ashamed he’s Australian), Kent “In jail for fraud” Hovind, Ray “Banana Hammock” Comfort (hey, New Zealand – he’s all yours bro), Kirk “Crocoduck” Cameron – or anybody else of their wilfully-ignorant-of-the-motherfucking-facts ilk who’s had the misfortune to appear in any of the “Why do people laugh at Creationists?” youtube series by thunderf00t. These cretins are doing their level best to confuse the minds of young people by perpetuating the myth of a controversy over our origins that allegedly exists in the world of science (a controversy that the creos have manufactured themselves).

CoE, if you had any sway over these kinds of people – who are the real problem, I’d say “don’t spare the horses”. But the fact is you’re a Christian splinter group, formed for the convenience and pleasure of a hotheaded monarch who wanted things his way, and your words will have as much weight with people who have already made their minds up as the air you breathe them into.

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